Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
