nut hugger
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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