I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
