you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
