I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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