is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize