You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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