literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize