can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
