apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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