It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
