Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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