I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
