you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
