You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
