I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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