it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
