that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
