Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
