If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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