I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
