you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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