So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize