i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
