You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
