I am in a vortex of obligation.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
