stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
