Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
