"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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