note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Houston, we have a squirter
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
