He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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