dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
