you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
