she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
