I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize