Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
