You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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