Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize