omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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