I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize