don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
