i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
