she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize