nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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