I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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