My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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