we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
