Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
