I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
