And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize