Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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