Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
