I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
