my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
