I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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