I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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