areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
