I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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