break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
