well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
