Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
