What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
