Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The air was thick with penises
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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