You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
