My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize