I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
