Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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